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Choose the Topic you would like Al to Address: Choose a Topic Below... Love Sex Pregnancy Loneliness Priorities Too Busy Insecurity Material things Rejection Anger Forgiveness Suicide a Sin Witness God's Will Ministry Satanism Security Death Salvation? I feel suicidal Bad Language Drugs/Alcohol Addiction Gossiping and/or Lying Guilt Trust Smoking or Dipping? Abortion Occult Suffering My parents hate me Rebelling Obedience Sharing Jesus with Parents Divorce Question 11. How do I forgive someone who has hurt me badly? Many Christians find it difficult to forgive because they don't fully understand it. Here are some important things to know about forgiveness: • Forgiveness is not something you do when you feel like it. True, biblical forgiveness is an act of your will. It is something you choose to do no matter how you feel. It is an act of obedience to God. • Forgiveness is undeserved pardon. Don't wait until that person asks your forgiveness--it will be too late. Jesus offered us forgiveness when we did not deserve it. Real forgiveness is not deserved or earned. Maybe you're saying to yourself, "but that is not fair! I get all the pain and the person that hurt me goes free." I hear you. BUT, Jesus took all your pain on the cross and you went free. He is our example. That is real forgiveness. When you release the other person of the "debt" they owe you, then you free yourself of the responsibility to "convict" them of their guilt. That's the Holy Spirit's job. If you choose not to forgive, understand that you will pay a big price. Not forgiving will corrode your disposition, elevate your blood pressure, upset your digestive system, ulcerate your stomach, and can bring on a nervous breakdown or a heart attack. An unforgiving spirit can also cause you not be able to trust or love unconditionally. It can cause you to doubt your salvation and not be able to pray. Not forgiving leads to depression, anger, rage, violence, mental and emotional illness. How do you forgive someone who has hurt you badly? First tell the person eye to eye what they did that hurt you. Don't worry about his or her response. Then say to yourself, "I choose to forgive ______________ for ______________, and I release ________________ to you, Jesus." That simple act of obedience begins the process of healing in your life. It is not a magic wand and it may not happen overnight, but the healing will come eventually. You hear some people say, "Forgive and forget." Well, forgiveness does not make you lose your memory. Forgiveness does take the sting out of the memory. You still remember what happened, but it will not hurt anymore. Forgiveness says, "I refuse to allow the actions and attitudes of another person to control my behavior and keep me from being like Jesus."(Study Matthew 18:21-35, Luke 6:37, and Ephesians 4:3) MATTHEW 18:21-35 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven. Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. The servant fell on his knees before him. "Be patient with me," he begged, "and I will pay back everything." The servants master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go. But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. "Pay back what you owe me!" He demanded. His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, "Be patient with me, and I will pay you back." But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened. Then the master called the servant in. "You wicked servant," he said, "I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you? In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart." LUKE 6:37 "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven." EPHESIANS 4:32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.